Don: server21 and 22 look like they do have default gateways.
Customer: They have default gateways on the public side, but not on the VPN side...
Don: Think of "default gateway" as the "primary route" - there can be only one per server. But the static route should work for you.
Customer: OK, so same drill as before with the route print?
Don: No, the VPN interface can't have a default gateway. Only the public can. On a box without a public interface, the VPN can have the default gateway.
Customer: When I try to add the default gateway to the VPN network (before I add it to the domain), I get an error about multiple gateways.
Really!? That's completely unexpected! Maybe if you read what I was typing it wouldn't be. ONE DEFAULT GATEWAY PER SERVER. That's how it works. It can't work otherwise, otherwise it wouldn't be the DEFAULT gateway, now would it?
Keeping in mind that VPN software is solely intended for connectivity TO a remote network: (Also GUI stands for Graphical User Interface)
Customer: "Yes you are correct, The tray icon was present. However there really isn't a GUI presented to the user unless you count the minimal tool bar in the upper right corner. Is that all that is offered to the user as a GUI? IF so how are you offering access to our hosted applications?"
To access the VPN GUI, you need to perform the following steps:
1. After the tray icon appears chant the magic words "Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho" and Twinkles the Magic Pony will appear on the left side of your screen.
2. Click Twinkles once, NOT TWICE, before he reaches the right side of your screen. If you click him twice, he'll get angry and eat your internets.
3. Twinkles will guide you to AdminLand. Listen to his advice. He is wise
Here's a tip: If you're ever installing software, opt for the helpful tools because, let's face it, the other ones suck.
Coincidentally, this was while I was installing Microsoft Windows 2003 Debugging Tools. They should have called it Helpful Tools because, you know, they're helpful. Not like those Jack-Up-Your-System1 Tools. I'm not even sure WHY I installed those...
1For those that never went into the military, the Drill Instructors aren't allowed to swear. So they come up with pseudo-swears like "Airman! Why is your uniform all jacked up!?" and "Cheese-and-rice Airman! Did you shine your boots with a brick and a candy bar!?"
Customer: Just checking...I know this sounds very silly, but at 4:47 AM, our application on server1 completely switched over to German for approximately 4 hours. I'm assuming you didn't have anything going on that might have caused something to go on at that time. -Customer
(Fortunately, my wife speaks German, so I had a little fun...)
Don: Nein! Wir haben nicht!
In an email to our tech support inbox:
"Noticing a marked slowdown during my internet browsing, I decided to take a look at who may be intercepting my navigation. I traced the interception to you. I now you are gov security agency. Why are you tracking my web activities? If you feel that I am doing something illegal please let me know in order to stop any illegal activity immediately." Signed, -removed to protect foolios-@juno.com
First, we don't track anything that anyone is doing on the web - we're a hosting provider, not an ISP. I'm not sure how they even got our tech support address. Second: You're insane.
You've got mail:
"This is the government! Come out with your mouse up! We know you're in there!
Forward this email to 10 government agencies and Bill Gates will send you $100. George Smith of Idaho didn't and was decaptiated. THIS IS FOR REAL!!!"
So a customer is having a problem with a remote card reader that they use in one of our facilities. They've tried having us turn it on, turn it off, remove the card, replace the card, and every other permutation.
Then we get this:
Customer: "OK, this sounds silly, but can you have them remove the card, wipe it on their jeans/pants (both sides of the card), and put it back in?"
JJ: "They are using Nintendo NES in their environment`?"
Don: "Remove the cartridge and blow liberally into the business end. Hit your little brother with it three times then side it 99% of the way into the device. Now you're playing with power."
Coincidentally, the pants-wiping didn't work; which is good because I'd hate to document a "pants process".
Names have been changed to protect the horribly guilty. Except mine of course.
Playing the parts this evening are...
The Administrator:
Don
The Administrator's
Boss: Jason
Customer on
vacation: Alexander
Customer NOT on
vacation: Gwen
Don: I'm going to resolve this ticket for now. Alexander, when you get back, just reply to this email with all the details and it will automatically re-open the ticket.
Gwen: Don, Could you please explain what you mean by "resolve this ticket for now." I have not heard from anyone at your company since Thursday and we are still experiencing problems. Thank you, Gwen
Don: My apologizes. I thought we were waiting for Alexander's return to address this. Miscommunication on my part.
What database does the Employment Center sign_up.asp script connect to? Server02 I assume? Does it connect through ColdFusion or ODBC?
Gwen: :) I have no idea what you're talking about. Sorry.
No, we didn't want to wait for Alexander because this is a revenue generating site, however, I won't be able to answer questions like that. When I spoke with Jason on Thursday he said he would have you guys check it out and then if need be we would wait for Alexander. Long story short, if you can't do anything without answers to those questions, then I guess we will have to wait until Thursday when Alexander returns. Thank you, Gwen
Don's brain: I guess we will.
Generally I'm not one to complain when a customer wants to document procedures. However, if your "procedure" includes a conclusion paragraph you're probably headed in the wrong direction - especially for a 2-step procedure:
1. If the databases don't fail-over automatically use this command: "X".
2. Verify that if failed-over using this command: "Y".
And now....
hen rebooting either server01 or server02, the eXist databases hosted on these machines could fail to cluster properly upon return of the rebooted server. To ensure continued proper functioning of the clusters, the non-rebooted server's eXist databases must each assume the role of coordinator of their respective clusters. Unfortunately, due to the nature of the coordinator election algorithm, this may require some manual intervention if not all of the non-rebooted server's eXist databases each already have the role of coordinator. This manual intervention will require the use of a couple of scripts:
/etc/init.d/exist (start|stop|restart|status|help)
This script manipulates the concerned server's sandbox eXist database
/etc/init.d/exist_prod (start|stop|restart|status|help)
This script manipulates the concerned server's production eXist database
Upon shutdown of the rebooting server, the following should be run on the non-rebooted server:
sudo /etc/init.d/exist status
sudo /etc/init.d/exist_prod status
Nothing further need be done if the output of the above command is as follows (aside from the specific PIDs):
exist (pid(s) 123) is running as coordinator...
exist (pid(s) 234) is running as coordinator...
However, the eXist databases must be restarted if the output of the above command is as follows (again, aside from the specific PIDs):
exist (pid(s) 123) is running as slave...
exist (pid(s) 234) is running as slave...
The eXist databases can each be restarted on the non-rebooted server as follows:
sudo /etc/init.d/exist restart
sudo /etc/init.d/exist_prod restart
Upon restarting the eXist databases on the non-rebooted server, their status should be verified again with the following commands:
sudo /etc/init.d/exist status
sudo /etc/init.d/exist_prod status
The eXist databases should now be coordinators (again, aside from the specific PIDs):
exist (pid(s) 345) is running as coordinator...
exist (pid(s) 456) is running as coordinator...
Upon return of the rebooted server, running the following commands thereon:
sudo /etc/init.d/exist status
sudo /etc/init.d/exist_prod status
Should yield the following output (again, aside from the specific PIDs):
exist (pid(s) 567) is running as slave...
exist (pid(s) 678) is running as slave...
To conclude, basically, when removing an eXist database from its cluster, its counterpart on the other server must become the coordinator after the removed eXist database's exit, and this election might need to be forced by the administrator.
To conclude, your procedure shouldn't have a conclusion paragraph!
Customer: I want to recover some files that were on a server with an IP address of x.x.x.x . That IP address was reassigned to ServerA though, and the files aren't on ServerA.
Don: Ok, do you know the name of the server that was assigned the IP x.x.x.x?
Customer: No
Don: Ok, what are the names of the files that you're looking for?
Customer: I don't know, but they're in a directory called "A Directory that Every Freakin' Server Has"
Don: So you want to get unknown files off of an unknown box.
Customer: Right.
Don: Seriously?
Customer: Yes.
Don: And you don't have any other information?
Customer: Correct.
Don: Good luck with that.
Posted here for your amusement is my recent net-chat with the Veritas sales dept.
Don: I have a few questions regarding Bare Metal Restore -
Don: First, is any type of trial version available that we can test with?
Don: Second, how compatible is Bare Metal Restore with RAID 1 and RAID 5?
Don: Third, how compatible is BMR with non-Windows OSes such as RH Linux and FreeBSD?
Carey: Hello Don.
Carey: In order to further assist you with BMR, I will need to transfer this Chat to a Salesperson. Where are you located City, State?
Don: Hello. Did you see my questions above?
Don: I'm in Dulles VA
Carey: Will this be for corporate, government, or educational pricing?
Don: Corporate
Carey: Thank you. One moment while I transfer this Chat. Have a great day!
Please wait while you are transferred to another agent.
<5 minutes pass so I amuse myself in the vaccume of space..>
Don: Am I floating through cyberspace at the moment?
Steven: Yep!
Don: Good to know. Is now a bad time?
Don: Should I query again later?
Steven: There is no trial for this product, it works with Raid 1 and 5 and I will give the name: Mr. Linus Roman 804 639- 7399 for a demo
Don: Demos are great and all, but my company wants to test the product to make sure it works before plunking down $1200
Don: Can you give me some details about how it works?
Steven: great point, see if Linus Roman can get you a trial
Don: So I'm being passed off again I take it?
Don: Perhaps you could query Mr. Linus and see if he'd be willing to do some type of trial.
Steven: I would recommend you go to Veritas.com and look at products and you will find BMR , it has some great white papers and data sheets for you
Don: Yes, I've been there.
Don: So you can't do anything for me and Mr. Linus may not be able to do anything either then?
Steven: Yes but I don't have any info on who you are
Don: Well I can give you that info, but you didn't ask. Also, why does that make a difference whether you can do anything?
Steven: No I mean I don't have any contact info
Don: This is a frustrating conversation.
Steven: I am sorry, what else do you want me to do?
Don: I'll pass on your comments to my company and let them decide if they'd like to pursue it any further.
Don: Thanks for your time.
Steven: Please call Linus.
The agent ended your chat session.
This is a paraphrased email from earlier today:
Customer email: I've got a problem logging into to the VPN.
Don email: What's the problem?1
Customer email a little bit later: Nevermind, I read the instructions.
---
1Customers hate to give specfics. Sometimes they just say: I'm having a problem with MachineX. WELL WHAT'S THE FREAKIN' PROBLEM!?! Are you going to tell me, or should I just randomly try solutions?
Customer: "I've got a problem with MachineX".
Don: "Swirl your mouse clockwise then repeatedly jam the 'F6' key."
Customer: "Will that help?"
Don: "No. It won't."